One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
"University of Oklahoma," he yelled back.
Laundry
Fine
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"
Blonde and TV
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says, "I would like to buy that T.V. please."
The store clerk replies, "I'm sorry, we don't do business with blondes."
So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black.
The next day, she went back to the same store and said, "I would like to buy that T.V. please."
The store clerk, once again, replies, "Sorry, we don't do business with blondes."
The blonde replied, "How did you know I was blonde?"
The clerk says, "Because thats a microwave."
Malaysian Ah Beng Jokes (Latest Version)
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
Once A Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is "u will go to jail"
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Ipoh
Suatu hari, seorang ibu menghantar anaknya yang baru berusia 5 tahun menaiki bas ekspres Kuala Lumpur - Kangar. Ibu itu berpesan pada pemandu bas "Encik.. tolong tengokkan anak saya ya.... Nanti kalau sampai di Ipoh... cakap pada anak saya."
Sepanjang perjalanan, si anak ini cerewet sekali. setiap seminit dia akan bertanya pada penumpang di sebelahnya.
"Sudah sampai Ipoh belum?" Hari mulai malam dan anak itu masih terus bertanya-tanya.
Penumpang di sebelahnya menjawab.. "Tidur aje la.... Belum sampai lagi ni... nanti kalau sampai saya akan kejutkan!" Tapi si anak tidak mahu diam, dia pergi ke depan dan bertanya pada pemandu untuk kesekian kalinya, "Pakcik... sudah sampai Ipoh ke belum?" Pemandu yang sudah keletihan menjawab soalan itu berkata, "Belum! Tidur aja la! Nanti kalau dah sampai kat Ipoh... pasti dikejutkan..!"
Kali ini, si anak tidak bertanya lagi, dia tertidur nyenyak sekali. Kerana suara si anak tidak kedengaran lagi, semua orang di dalam bas lupa pada si anak, sehingga ketika sampai di Ipoh, tidak ada seorang pun yang membangunkannya. Hinggalah melepasi Alor Setar, si anak masih tertidur dan tidak bangun-bangun.
Tersedarlah si pemandu yang dia lupa membangunkan si anak. Lalu dia bertanya pada para penumpang. "Encik-encik dan puan-puan sekalian... bagaimana ni... perlukan kita hantar semula anak ini?" Para penumpang pun merasa bersalah kerana turut melupakan si anak dan setuju menghantar si anak kembali ke Ipoh. Maka berpatah kembalilah rombongan bas itu menuju ke Ipoh. Sesampai di Ipoh, si anak dibangunkan.
"Nak! Sudah sampai di Ipoh! cepat bangun!" Kata Pemandu.
Si anak bangun dan berkata, "Oh sudah sampai ya!" lalu si anak pun membuka beg pakaiannya dan mengeluarkan nasi bungkusnya. Seluruh penumpang kehairanan. "Bukankah kamu hendak turun di Ipoh?" tanya pemandu kebingungan.
"Tidak lah.... Mama saya pesan... kalau sudah sampai di Ipoh, saya boleh makan nasi bungkus ni!"
Kuang... kuang... kuang!
